"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
