I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
