I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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