You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
