sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
