i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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