to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
lets start a swedish sibling band together
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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