Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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