Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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