I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All the doctor said was why
I forget how to act sober
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
