still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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