Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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