But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
