i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
