just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
