If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
