my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
