Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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