I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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