I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dick very happy bro
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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