The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize