If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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