Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
