i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
