No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
