Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
