So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He shit in the fireplace
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