So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
