I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
