His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's blow job season.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
