This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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