If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
