im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
