At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
