why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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