well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize