She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
