so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
