Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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