i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
