meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
