Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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