my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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