I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
