Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want to have your abortion
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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