oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
