singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
