You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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