Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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