Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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