Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Of course I have a pirate flag
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize