god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
bring money and cleavage
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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