Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize