seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
