i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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