I feel great
I just peed on a car
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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