I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
