I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
