I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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