Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
