I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
