Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
