Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
420 ftw
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
